i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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