the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
