ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
