I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
