I am in a vortex of obligation.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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