Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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