well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
