Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
