the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
