belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
