for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
