I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
