dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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