I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
