We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
