Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
