Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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