Rock
Scissors
Fuck
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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