apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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