the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
