There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
