My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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