I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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