I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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