walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
