So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
