paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
