I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
