I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
