Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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