Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
