My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
