so let's talk penis.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
