she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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