i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
