Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
