It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
