oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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