i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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