She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
