I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
