I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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