My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
