she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
