One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
