We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
