What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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