pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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