I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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