I wanna bring you to show and tell
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize