everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
