my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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