One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
