You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
