I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
