meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
