while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
