you guys were way drunker than both of me
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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