My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize