you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
